Inside me

When I was 25 years of age; I met this young woman. We were both active duty military in a foreign land. This woman hails from the Caribbean. She is about 5 ft 9, fair skinned and quite lean. She is the actualization of the woman of my dreams. We became friends, and we are still friends after all these years. She is currently the only woman that I utter the words “I love you” to. She responds every time. She was the first to say these words to me. Fate has separated us on a couple of occasions, but fate also reunites us whenever possible. I now consider her the love of my life, but I am not married to her. I want to say it is a complicated matter, but it is really a matter of opinion. As I said fate separated us a few months before my 26th birthday, and we did not see each other again until I was thirty years old. Along the way, I experienced heartbreaks, failures, and other disappointments. However, everything was wonderful when I saw her again one winter. I don’t think we picked up where we left off, but we were both more mature. We continued to be friends. She is the one friend I would drop everything I am doing to be with her. However, this blog is a little more nuanced than it should be. Many months after fate reunited us; she introduced me to this other woman who caught her fancy. She started dating this other woman whom I refer to as the “Lady of the lake”. She and the Lady of the lake were together for a couple of years. I felt hurt when the Lady of the Lake came into the picture, but I realized my friendship with the young woman mattered to me than the Lady of the lake. I still gave flowers to the young woman on Valentine’s day. I still wished her a happy birthday on her birthday. I am still the man who will drop everything when she calls me. I was sad when her relationship with the “Lady of the lake” fizzled, but I was relieved she was out of a unhealthy relationship. Then fate separated us again, but we are still communicating.

A few weeks earlier, I told a coworker about whom I consider the love of my life. This coworker is an exotic looking woman. Her unique humor works on me. There was a time I was saying she is too much of a woman for me to handle. However, I have recently found myself drawn to this coworker. I find myself bantering with her, because I am literally the worst flirt on this planet. It leads to ask myself “Is there something wrong with me?” “Why do I still go for complicated relationship?” “Where am I going?” Anyway, it is enough for the night.


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